El Fuego – What hiking an active volcano taught me about life

It is said that when you want something badly enough the universe conspires in your favor, some call it manifestation, some luck, some fate – I like to call it the magic of being alive. For me, hiking up El Fuego was never just a tour, it was never “just” hiking up an erupting volcano.

We had crossed paths before, even though we had never seen each other. It was the year 2014 and I was in Peru on my first solo backpacking trip, lasting 40 days, discovering a reality that until then I didn’t know was possible. And life willed that I share a taxi with an Australian I had just met on the street.

He was a traveler.
And I with the dream of becoming like him but not knowing where to start.

And of all the stories he told me, nothing made his eye shine brighter than the experience of hiking an erupting volcano in Guatemala, and deep in my heart I knew – one day I will hike that volcano, one day I too will be a traveler.

And so dreams are born.
And thus are manifested.
And this is how the magic of being alive is experienced.

Nine years have passed since that episode, and today I have lived and I’m still living everything that Maria sitting in a taxi talking to an Australian in Peru dared to dream. I have succeeded.

And here, facing the volcano I feel her, that old version of me full of fears and dreams. I feel her smiling at me and saying:

“We did it. Now let’s go hike that volcano!”

I find it funny that with so much traveling El Fuego only returned to my life at a moment when I am again having dreams that I don’t know where to start when I need to trust that everything is possible and that “when we really want something the whole Universe conspires in our favor“.

So El Fuego came about to celebrate life and to teach me how to keep living, how to keep trusting, and how to keep dreaming – because things are, yes, programmed to go right.

 

5 THINGS HIKING A VOLCANO REMINDED ME OF ABOUT LIFE

1 – LIFE IS BETTER AT MAKING PLANS THAN I AM

I arrived in Antigua with the sole mission of choosing the perfect day to hike the volcano, I wanted it to be perfect and period. I was in no hurry, so I could wait to see what the weather was like, rest from the long trip from Portugal, and set the date.

With about five consecutive days of clear skies in Antigua, I decided to book the tour. And so began a few very crazy days in which the more I tried to control the situation, the more it got out of control and at the same time was teaching me that nothing in life is left to chance.

• The day before my ascent, El Fuego volcano had an explosion that hadn’t happened in over 10 years causing a fire and canceling the next day’s tours.
• I changed the ascent to three days later, hoping the smoke would dissipate, and for a day I went crazy about whether it would be better to change the date back to later. Until I got tired of my own anxiety and decided to leave it to the set date and hand it over to God.
• The day before my new date to hike the volcano, Antigua was without power all day, meaning none of my batteries were charged, my cell phone was at 50%, and panic in my heart.
• The morning of the day I finally went hiking the volcano, was the cloudiest morning since the day I set foot on these lands.

So clearly life was talking to me and in the midst of all this confusion I decided to listen to what it had to say, I allowed myself to observe:

What happens when life changes our plans?
What stories arise out of the plan?

On the other hand, because I did not go up to the volcano on the scheduled date, I ended up meeting Shakti. A very special person, one of those who you connect with in the first few minutes, who you lose track of time in endless conversations, one of those who you feel were destined to arrive, one of those who makes you feel at ease to be who you are.

And there is no greater gift in travel than when you run into connections like this, because it’s people who make places, and it’s through human connections that you learn the most about life, that you learn the most about yourself.

Even though everything was slipping out of my hands, I realized that everything that was happening outside of the plans was making me smile a lot. And that’s how I somehow began to feel a strange reassurance that everything was okay. That in fact, maybe life had better plans for me, and that the “going wrong” was just a projection of my mind because nothing had actually gone wrong up to that point, quite the contrary.

The night before I climbed the volcano, as we walked back to the hostel without electricity, we were accompanied by a sea of stars, and among them, I saw a shooting star. Shooting stars always make my heart leap, but with this one, it was more than that – I felt it appeared just for me as if whispering to me:

“Relax, everything is fine”

That same night I said goodbye to Shakti for just a few days, since we were going to meet again at the lake, and it was so beautiful because the very moment we said goodbye the electricity came back! I jumped for joy, living was being very exciting with so many twists and turns.

Happy I charged the battery of everything I had to carry and prepared my backpack and my heart for the ascent of the volcano.

Clearly, I awoke to see the cloudiest sky ever, but I tried to breathe in not knowing, it had everything to go wrong, but in truth, nothing had yet gone wrong and I was determined to trust life. I needed to integrate that into myself.

That morning my new friend wrote me this, which in essence, pretty much sums up this lesson:

There is no sense in worrying about what you can’t change,
And there is no sense in worrying about what you can change.

 

LESSON NUMBER 1 – When you feel things are getting out of your control, have the courage to let go of what you “think should be” and ask yourself:
What does that which I don’t control want me to experience now?

 

2 – FIND JOY IN THE PROCESS | HIKING THE ACATANANGO

The first part of the tour is to Base Camp located on the Acatanango volcano, five hours of steep climbs that never seem to end, accompanied by a racing heart due to the effect of the altitude.

I knew it would be difficult because I never heard a single person say otherwise, however, there are “difficult” and “difficult” and for me, this was a completely new difficult. Most probably because hand in hand with my physical effort was my frustration about suffering to get to the top and finding everything covered with clouds eliminating the possibility of seeing the volcano.

“Accept what you can’t change” – I repeated to myself over and over again.

And on one of those repetitions I really looked at my surroundings and realized that I was walking in an absurdly beautiful forest. I realized that all my obsession with the volcano was taking away my presence to fully enjoy what I had at that moment, which was in fact no small thing, I was walking in a moss forest like those that remind you of fantasy movies. And with a volcano or no volcano, the journey was amazing.

 

Just as in life, sometimes we are so obsessed with wanting to arrive at the next goal that we forget to experience all the blessings that surround us right now, we forget to enjoy the “in-between,” to live in the space of “good enough.”

We forget that often the conditions may not be what we dream of, but that there is always beauty in what IS, and maybe what IS, is exactly what we need at that moment.

Can you imagine hiking that volcano under a blazing sun?

That made me wonder:

• How much am I really enjoying what I have now as I stand in the stability of my dream from 10 years ago?
• How much does my focus on getting to the next dream take away from my enjoyment in the process of conquering it?
• How delicately am I knowing how to live in what is good enough?

LESSON NO. 2 – Joy in the process is to look less at the outcome and focus on the present, because it is by living all that surrounds you today, all the beauties, the experiences, and the challenges, that you honor the person you once were and create the person who will live your tomorrow – fall in love with the journey.

 

3 – THINGS ARE PROGRAMMED TO GO RIGHT

I have to admit that I am an extremely positive person, it’s not something I’ve built up, ever since I’ve known myself I’ve had this inclination to believe that everything will work out, but in return, I’m also someone with a lot of fears, even though it may not seem like it.

My journey through life has been to welcome my fears and strengthen the part of me that trusts. Easier said than done, but to date, the heart has always overcome the fear. Aho!

We were more than halfway up and according to the guides the probability of seeing the volcano was 10% and I believe they said 10% to give us a glimmer of motivation to continue.

However, when I connected very deeply with my heart I believed that a miracle would happen and the weather would open up, because, let’s analyze things:

“Lately everything seemed like it was going to go wrong and then at the very end, everything go right.
It had to be the same!
Not to mention the fact that the night before I had seen a shooting star right?”

I admit I did the whole manifestation process at one point, visualized myself getting up there, the sky clear, the volcano in the background, and allowed myself to feel all the joy that it had worked out. And I released out into the Universe saying to myself – “Trust.”

However, there’s always that side of us that likes to show its grace, to tell us that we’re not going to get lucky, that we’d better conform.

“Stay where you are” – he says – “It’s so safe here.”

And for a few moments, I felt that sadness, the sadness of not believing and the discouragement made a home within myself again. I believed I knew, after all, the odds were there, with every step I took.

But what if?

What if exactly what had been happening happened again and in the end, it all worked out, simply because I deserve good things to happen, simply because good things happen?

I learned that life is very much like that. A life where you follow your heart is very much like that.

It’s like overcoming all the challenges of hiking a volcano, without the guarantee that you will see it, just giving your best at every step and trusting that in the end everything will work out. Because at the end of a dreamer’s day, that’s all that’s left, trusting in the magic of life.

I don’t know about you, but I think the Universe has a little crush for dreamers – we got to the top, and at the first curve that allows us to see the volcano the weather opened up. It opened up as if there had never been clouds!

All the landscape. All the volcanoes. All the immensity.

Everything changed in seconds, it was a madness of happiness, beauty, and excitement, and I could only feel absurd gratitude and at the same time an immense love of the Universe for me. That’s exactly how I felt – loved.

My heart was overflowing with excitement and as I saw the volcano contrasting with that blue sky and glistening in the sun, I knew – it’s all going to go right.

LESSON NO. 3 – Everything worthwhile in life will make you wince a little, the way of the heart is the way of the new, and the new always establishes a relationship between love and fear within us. Our job is to learn to sustain the not knowing and trust that if we put our foot down, there will be ground.

 

4 – WE ARE ALL VOLCANOES | EL FUEGO

The adrenaline rush of the weather opening had me regaining all my energy and within 30 minutes I was raising my hand to the question – “Who’s going up El Fuego?”

The hike to El Fuego is about 3 hours round trip to base camp and consists of us going all the way down Acatanango and up El Fuego. Where we stand 500 meters from the erupting volcano. Five hundred meters from an uncontrollable force of nature.

Hiking El Fuego was a whole other experience, however, here I just want to bring you a quick but very powerful insight that I felt seeing and experiencing a volcano exploding so close to me.

Its power. The power of the earth.
In how it simmers just beneath our feet, in how it is fire, in how it is alive, and in how it, too, it´s the fury.

El Fuego knows its strength and is not afraid to overflow, it simply IS in all its fury, in all its beauty, in all its authenticity – it is awake.

We are all volcanoes, but most of us are asleep.
We are afraid of our strength.
We are afraid of our fire.

And so we are volcanoes who live like mountains without ever discovering our great potential.

El Fuego reminded me of my strength.
It reminded me to overflow.
It reminded me to awaken.
It reminded me to Be in all my fire.

How much do we repress inside ourselves? How many things do we leave to say? How much do we pretend? How much do we accept? How much do we leave unlived? How much do we leave unexpressed? How much do we fail to conquer? How much do we leave unfulfilled?

LESSON NO. 4 – We are volcanoes, we are not supposed to live like mountains.

 

5 – IN YOUR VULNERABILITY IS YOUR HEALING | BACK TO THE ACATANAGO

This experience still had one more lesson in store for me – the return to Acatanango.

We started the ascent back to Base Camp at a leisurely pace and on the way, we were still lucky enough to see a sweeping El Fuego explosion. It exploded in all directions, covering its entire body with lava, beyond the amazement I could only feel relief at not being so close anymore, it’s amazing to have the opportunity to be 500 meters away from a volcano spitting lava, but at the same time I found it scary – it’s what I would call, literally, playing with fire.

At a certain point in the hike, I started to feel like I was dragging more than I was walking. Slower and slower, as if my body didn’t want to respond to me anymore.

I have challenged myself physically many times at other times in my life, but I had never felt what I was feeling at that moment, as if my body’s will was greater than mine – and for him, I would not take another step.

At the very end, I let everyone go by and leaned against a rock, and stayed there.

I stayed for many minutes, alone in the silence and the only thing I could think of was “I’m going to stay here as long as I need to” or “I’m going to sleep here now because I can’t do it anymore” – dramatic as only she is – and while I was distracted in this mental whirl, Luís, our guide, came back for me with all his joy to motivate me:

– “Come on Mari, breathe, the camp is just over there. The others are already here, you’re too close…relax, you can do it.”

You’d think I would be happy that I was no longer alone and had someone to help me, however, I began to feel the exact opposite.

The previous mental reeling gave way to worry that “I’m giving work”, “I’m not strong enough”, “he had to come back for me” or “I need help” – as I couldn’t take another step I was literally stuck between myself, my beliefs and Luis – fatigue brought vulnerability to the fore because masks require energy and that was in short supply at the moment.

In a moment of awareness, I realized how much I was justifying myself for being left behind, I realized how much discomfort I was feeling for a situation that doesn’t have to be uncomfortable at all, or rather, Luis made me realize all of that as he talked to me.

It was all within me.

And there, in front of someone I had just met that morning, I found myself talking openly and with a vulnerability that only extreme exhaustion could give me, about feelings that had no sense at all, but were still in me, so alive in me – I saw each memory, one coming up after another, crossing me to express themselves once again in the world, and I remember to stop reacting to them and think:

That´s enough.
I see each and every one of you, and for whatever reason, you have made your home within me, I release you. Needing help is not about being a burden, it’s about being human. Let yourself be helped.

Diving into vulnerability is scary and anyone who says no has possibly never actually ventured into that territory, yet there is nothing more liberating than looking at what we carry in our depths, observing the stories we tell ourselves, and being human in our fragility.

I once heard something like this:

 

“Before we can be God, we have to learn how to be human”

 

I believe that being vulnerable is exactly about that, learning how to be human.

To be human that night, for me, was to realize that no one gets anywhere alone and that needing help doesn’t make me someone less strong or someone less independent, in fact, it feels good.

What do your justifications want to say about your shadows?

Luis pushed me uphill, which I actually thanked and allowed, as I thanked the little guide who took me by the hand to my hut.

And as I warmed myself with the warmth of the campfire and thought about the whole process I had just experienced, I found myself smiling happily that I had lived and been there to face my shadows.

A guide arrived with a plate of warm food and a hot chocolate and said to me:

– “You were brave”

Previously I would think he was saying that to cheer me up, but in that moment I knew, this climb was a great healing process, and yes:

I was brave. I am brave.

LESSON NRO 5 – In your vulnerability, you will find your strength, because you will allow yourself to see what you fight so hard to hide. And to see is to release.

 

More and more I feel that life speaks to us in every experience, and in every encounter, we live, and the more we are concerned to understand with our reason, the less we can understand with our heart.

We need to open ourselves to read life. Because life tells us our story and gives us the answers we need. Because deep down life is us and we are life, everything is one.

What are your experiences trying to show you?
What is “chance” making you feel?

Observe.

 

With love,
Maria

 

*On my Instagram there is a highlight called EL FUEGO where I recorded the whole experience, if you are curious just check it out.