The Mirror Law demystified

Does everything I see in the other exist in me?

Partly yes, partly no. We need to realize that nothing is linear, and when we get stuck in trying to see things as black or white, we miss all the variation of colors in between. The Law of the Mirror is not hard to understand, but it is hard to accept, because it is an invitation to look at what our Ego tries so hard to hide.

BUT WHAT DOES THE MIRROR LAW IS ALL ABOUT?

The Mirror Law explains that our perception of the world and human relationships are like a reflection of our inner self. There is a saying that goes:

We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.

This quote can be used to talk about various aspects that we come across in the world of self-knowledge, however, today I will focus only on this law.

Therefore, when there is something in another person that AFFECTS you, whether positively or negatively, it is because at some level inside yourself you also possess this characteristic, otherwise you would not be able to recognize it.

Sigmund Freud called it PROJECTION.

Psychological projection happens when at a subconscious level some emotional conflict occurs, when our integrity is threatened, when the Ego sees itself exposed in some way and thus activates this defense mechanism, which consists of projecting to the outside attitudes, feelings, thoughts or beliefs that we reject, that we have difficulty in accepting within ourselves, making us believe that this “defect” or “quality” only exists on the outside.

What do you like most in others? What bothers you most about other people? What do you like best about yourself? What bothers you the most in others?

When you start asking yourself, yourself these questions, you begin to embody what is called THE MIRROR LAW.

THE FOUR RULES OF THE MIRROR LAW

1. Everything that annoys you irritates you, you don’t like or want to change in the other, is within you.
2. Everything that criticizes me or judges the other, if it affects me is repressed within me and it is necessary to work on it.
3. Everything that the other criticizes me, judges me, or wants to change in me, without affecting me, belongs to the other.
4. Everything that I like or love in the other person is also within me. I recognize my virtues and qualities in the other.

Here, I bring your attention to the fact that when you are doing a psychological projection, you will realize because something is going to AFFECT you, something is going to annoy or impress you, that is, an internal trigger has been activated.

There are attitudes or situations that will deeply irritate your friend and not you, or the other way around, do you understand?

 

MIRROR LAW IN PRACTICE

Most of the time this law doesn’t even ask us to go deep, it just asks us for a little courage to see in ourselves what we don’t accept.

I’ll give you a personal example:

It deeply irritates me people who cut the conversation off when someone is talking, it didn’t take much deep work to have to admit that I do the same. When I am very excited about an idea I tend to think I already know everything and cut the other person off constantly, yet I only do this with people extremely close to me which makes me realize that I never do it.

So when something makes you frustrated ask yourself if in any situation/area of your life you don’t tend to act in that way that you are rejecting.

If you really don’t find the same behavior in yourself, even in a different situation. Then start looking for the root reason for that person’s attitude.

I’ll give you some examples:

• If I get angry with that friend who always demands attention from me does that mean I’m secretly demanding attention from all my friends too?

It could be that you act this way in other types of relationships in your life, and you have a hard time admitting it. Or, it annoys or irritates you because this demanding attention is a reflection of that person’s lack of affection, and you feel this way too, but you avoid this feeling because you find it embarrassing.

• If it annoys me people who approach me with fake smiles does that mean I do that too, when I know I don’t?

Go deeper. Why does that person show up with a fake smile? Probably because deep down they want to feel loved and accepted and are afraid that they will be rejected for who they are. How many times have you not contested yourself, or done something that did not truly reflect who you are in order to feel loved? And it pains you to admit that you did it. Or, maybe you still do it although through other attitudes?

What I want to tell you is that there is nothing wrong with that, we all have beliefs, traumas, and feelings within us that have been and continue to be repressed. And the only thing this part of us wants is to be SEEN and WELCOMED, because only by accepting and seeing all the parts of our BEING can we live fully, completely – this is what is called accessing our shadows. This is what is called healing.

Everything you resist. Persist.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE MIRROR LOW FOR YOUR PERSONAL GROWTH

By now you must have understood that the Mirror Law is a powerful tool for getting to know yourself.

When you decide to practice self-identification in those moments when you find yourself inexplicably upset or annoyed by someone’s behavior, you are making use of a definite tool for your personal growth and for a more peaceful way of being in this world. Because you will understand that it’s not the other person’s behavior, it’s something that has always been in you.

AND WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

Because you will access parts of yourself that you unconsciously try very hard not to see, and it is in this place of shadow that are your beliefs, your blocks, and your original ideas that act as triggers of self sabotage for various areas of your life.

Fully understanding the problem is the same as discovering the solution. If you feel that you don’t know what to do, it is because you don’t know what is wrong, and if you don’t know what is wrong, it is because somehow you are resisting identifying it in yourself.

Healing ourselves is nothing more than illuminating what we have at some point decided to hide. To heal ourselves is to welcome these shadows without judgment. To heal ourselves is, from this new consciousness, to know that we can, today, choose differently. To heal ourselves is to know that it is safe to be who we really are. But to know who we are, we have to know who we are not.

 

YOU HAVE TWO PATHS. WHICH WILL YOU CHOOSE?

Discovering what you most need to heal within yourself, and realizing what you most desire to change in others will free you in unimaginable ways. Because you will allow yourself to know your inner world on a deeper level, and this is an essential premise for being who you came to be.

The energy you are expending to keep avoiding acknowledging what needs to change is either: wasted energy, or it is preventing you from living the life you desire.

Every relationship is a relationship with yourself. At the end of the road, it will always be about you. So the sooner you decide to face yourself, the sooner you won’t need other people to fill your voids, to validate you, to accept you, because the Love you seek is your own Love.

 

“Relationships don’t serve to show you perpetual, eternal happiness. They serve to make you more aware. The sooner you realize that this awareness is yours, the easier the rest will be.”

-Brianna West